Crasymaker

I’m not a huge fan of casinos. They’re fairly depressing and overall, they kind of creep me the hell out. However, when Sarah and her mother went to Tunica last year, Sarah came home $1000 richer after only spending a couple of bucks at a slot machine. If it weren’t for that jackpot, she probably would still be saving up for her 12″ iBook that she uses to sell clothes on eBay which supplies her with at least 1/2 of her total income. So when she wanted to check out Cherokee Casino in West Siloam Springs, OK today, as reluctant as I was, I said OK and off we went.

It’s only about a 45-minute drive out there so I knew that even if it was crappy and we only stayed for a half hour or so, it wouldn’t be too much of a waste. Besides, what a fitting way to spend Easter Sunday than gambling at slot machines just minutes from “God’s Country”.
The picture on their website must be one of Cherokee’s other casinos because when we arrived, the building had more of a warehouse resemblance than that of an illustrious gaming resort. After searching all over the parking lot (and the parking lots of the neighboring grocery store and drive-though bank), we found a spot about a half mile from the casino.
Words cannot describe the churning feeling in my stomache as we entered the doorway. I haven’t been to that many casinos, but every one of them has required me to sign in, show my ID and get an official OK from a security guard before entering. Not this one. You just walk in and within a few feet of the door, you can sit right down at a slot machine and start dropping dollar bills, that is, if you can see past the fog of smoke that nearly gives you whiplash as you pass through the front door. Holy crap, this place was a total shithole. The inside solidified our suspicions that this “casino” was actually a warehouse, possibly the kind you can buy from Home Depot and put together yourself.

We noticed that nobody was drinking any alcohol, which is odd for a casino I believe, but everyone was definitely making up for the lack of an alcohol buzz by sucking down more cigarettes than the slot machines were sucking down quarters. I was instantly feeling nauseous and when I noticed the “buffet” which consisted of hot dogs, corn dogs, popcorn and chicken legs (all decorated with half-assed, decade-old, white Christmas lights), it didn’t help much at all.
The only thing that didn’t disgust me was this kick-ass guy in a bunny suit walking around giving out Easter eggs which either had nothing in them or a $100 bill. There was even an announcement over the intercom when someone chose a winning egg. Alas, this was not enough to keep us in the building longer than 15 minutes. We’d had enough.
Upon returning home, I re-visited their website only to find that there are 4 other Cherokee casinos scattered across Oklahoma. Before I give Cherokee a complete thumbs down, I figure we’ve at least gotta try one more. Next up: Tulsa. Mmmm, Tulsa…
UPDATE: Holy shit, you HAVE GOT TO CHECK OUT the Tunica song on their website! It rules! Listen to it here!

Wilco “Casino Queen”

There is a new addition to the Videos section. Check it out.

The Impossible Shapes “Ambitious Dressing”

How in the world did Aaron’s bachelor party turn from a not-so-planned-out day into one of the funnest ever? We started the day out with an early breakfast at a kick-ass diner in The River Market. This place has a “Pancake Challenge” in which you get to write your name on the wall if you can eat two of their famous pancakes. I took one look at the biggest, meanest guy in the diner and watched him give up after only eating one and decided I’d better go with the Big Biscuit Plate instead.
After resting for an hour or so, we headed to the greyhound track to do some betting. 12 races (and countless beers) later, we had to race back to Seth’s place to meet the lady who was bringing the cake and by cake, I mean the most ridiculously decorated baked good we could afford (pictured below).
We took the cake and met about a dozen other dudes at the Westport Flea Market which is a burger bar located in the middle of a flea market. The food was so good that I may or may not have broken part 2 of DEY2005B!. Nobody said anything about it, so I am assuming that I got away with it…until now. Burgers. Beers. Darts. Cake. Mmmmm. Time to move on.

I can’t remember the name of the next bar we went to, however, I will for the rest of my life, remember in great detail the game we made Aaron play entitled, “Aaron HAS to get laid if he says THIS to a girl.” Seth has already provided a censored (WTF?) blog about it here so check out the details of the game. My God, I have never laughed so hard in public. What a good sport he was.
Next on the list was a place called Bazooka’s Showgirls. According to the COD (Code of Dudes), I am not allowed to divulge too much information about this final installment of the night, but I can say this: There are certain laws that do not allow certain bars to serve alcohol due the extreme lack of clothing of some (all) of it’s entertainers. This may or may not have been one of those bars. Enough said. Don’t be jealous.

The Decemberists “The Bachelor And The Bride”

Man, how freaking long does it take to transfer your host? I’m currently using Yahoo! which gives you a whopping 25MB of space for $9.95/month, which up until a few days ago I didn’t realize was a huge ripoff. So I am switching to Network Solutions which offers 1GB of space for $9.95/month. Let’s see, that’s literally 40 times more space for the same price. Now if it would only get through the “Pending Registry Approval” stage and happen already. The main reason I haven’t been doing videos lately is because I have no more space left. Well, not anymore. So get ready. I’d make one this weekend but I am going to Kansas City for a bachelor party. I’m not exactly sure what we’re gonna be doing but I heard rumors about a dog race where you can bet $2 and drink cheap beer. If so, look for a new dog race gallery next week. BAMM!

Superchunk “Train From Kansas City”

I’d been struggling with trying to update two different sites at once so I decided to consolidate them into this. I had my genius friend do the CSS wireframe and then I styled it into what you see here. I like it here. Lots of breathing room for me and my words/pictures/videos/crap. I’ve changed the format for the slideshows in the Photos Section and added a few more galleries. The videos are still available and although I don’t have any more made as of right now, I plan on making plenty more and posting them as well. Let me know what you think of the new site. If it’s positive, then SWEET! If it’s negative, then you can pretend that you are sitting underneath this tiger from the Memphis Zoo.

Jets To Brazil “Cat Heaven”

I found a tutorial on how to hack into your iPod in this month’s issue of Mac Addict. Despit the fact that it said, “If you screw up this hack, you can turn your iPod into a lump as useless as a helping of your mom’s boiled cucuzza squash…Proceed at your (and your iPod’s) own risk,” I went ahead and tried it anyway. Fortunately, I follow directions pretty well and I was successful at replacing that “NO” symbol with my own handsome face. Phew…

Solex “Dork at 12 O’clock”

KKEG, the local classic rock station, used to do a treasure hunt every summer where they hid a Pepsi can somewhere in Northwest Arkansas and gave hints about it’s location on the air throughout the day. It usually took people at least a week to find it. I, however, stumbled across one by accident when I was 11 years old at Devil’s Den State Park. The prize was $500 worth of gift certificates to local businesses. Instead of using it all at Dennis Appliance to get a sweet stereo or at the Honda dealership to get a moped, I divided it between 7-11, Ozark Lanes Bowling Center, IGA (grocery store) and two other places I can’t even remember. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!

Wilco “Treasure”