Crasymaker

I play softball on a sweet team called The Canadian Tuxedos. We are just about the best team in the league. By “best team” I do not mean the “wins games” kind of best team, though. I mean the “has the most fans, plays awesome music from the dugout and wears football helmets while up to bat” kind of best team.

For those of you not in-the-know, a Canadian Tuxedo is when you wear jeans, a jean shirt and a jean jacket. Sometimes, you can go with just the jeans and the jean shirt. However, jeans and a jean jacket do not equal a Canadian Tuxedo cause sometimes they look cool together. The best way to tell is this: If it looks ridiculous, it’s a Canadian Tuxedo.

I tried to get the other guys to agree to wearing actual Canadian Tuxedos for jerseys but they said it would be too hot. I say, it would be too HOTT as in kick-ass but alas, we got regular jerseys instead. We did, however, get to choose our nickname on the back. Mine is “Winner” which is pretty awesome but not as awesome as Dustin’s nickname which actually is “Awesome.”

There are only six teams in the “Recreational” league and we are one of them. We chose this league over the “Competetive” leagues so we might actually stand a chance of winning a game or two but after games 1 and 2 last week, we realized that “Recreational” league is secret code for “Competetive Leagues Filled Up So The Recreational League Will Have One Recreational Team and Five Competetive Teams Meaning The Recreational Team Will Suffer Endless Losses And Eternal Humiliation.”

We will not let this bring us down, though. We have lots more going for us than just being good (which we aren’t). We have about a dozen die-hard fans, we have Jonathan “Boombox” Haguewood who plays theme music every time we go up to bat and finally, we have a real dolphin for a mascot. Psyche you out. We don’t have a real dolphin for a mascot but we do have way cooler stuff than the other team, win or lose.

Matt Pond PA “Canadian Song”